I don’t remember since when,
I’ve been pretending to be so wise,
Killed my joy and then,
Thought will only do what’s right, but what’s right ?
Boy’s Abyss, it’s a story about a boy who wants to die because he is stuck in a town that he can’t ever leave no matter how much he wants to. I don’t know how wrong is it to relate to a character who wants to die, it’s not the fact that he wants to die which is relatable but the town, which he is not able to leave and live. It may sound like it’s the town that he wants to run away from but it’s not the town, it’s his responsibilities that have trapped him there and no matter how hard he tries he could never escape them.
When we cannot change something about ourselves we learn to make peace with it, we accept the fact that this is what life is now and this is how I have to live. Accepting the reality and living with it is often portrayed as a sign of weakness because what we see, is that the person have given up and not the fact that the person have tried enough to not give up.
I often wonder why growing up sucks ? why we always long for our childhood ? Maybe we don’t particularly hate our life right now, maybe we are just envious of what we were, “ someone with less expectations ”. Expectations are not always just from others sometimes it’s you who put yourself at a height below which you cannot imagine yourself. you give yourself too much credit for everything that happens around you.
It’s easier to say, ‘ just leave the town that has only brought you sadness and pain’ but that town is the only place you have known your whole life and the kind of comfort you have amongst all this chaos in this town, will you find it somewhere else ? Is life outside this town guaranteed to be blissful ? would you be able to feel the belonging you feel for this town in someplace else ?
You know what’s funny about disappointment ? When you know that someone expects something from you, also the reason of expectation and their true intent for expecting that from you then disappointing them feels like disappointing yourself because then you are trapped by not only them but you yourself because in your head you are the best person anyone can have in their life and disappointing yourself would mean that you are no longer that person whom others want to be with.
